So today is December 20th, 2021. 7 years since the "last" post there. Where would I even begin to start with whats happened since 2014? It's practically impossible. So much death, loss, addiction issues, mental illness, homelessness, hungry, and when I just lost myself completely in the midst of.
I've lost a lot of close people to me since 2014. Whether I remember this in the future when I re-read this when I'm like 33 or something (gonna be 28 next month).
Ben was probably the most challenging for me (June 30th, 2021 @ 2:07am). Fuck I miss him so much, it has hurt each and every day since it happened. My sister has been above and beyond resilient through it all, considering he was technically her ex boyfriend/roommate. Hell, I even lived with them for some months back a few months prior to covid-19; oh yeah, haha I forgot to mention there's been a pandemic since January 2020, some respiratory affecting / highly contagious / sometimes even deadly that has plagued this world for seriously too long. I hope the next time I read this in the future, masks won;t be a thing anymore, hand sanitizer won't be fuckin' left right and center, and that covid-19 will have finally become contained at the very least. Damn near 2 years of this ass-ery.
Anyways, long story short, I've lived with some guy that I apparently met back in 2015, and he's let me live in the spare room for literally months now; I moved in basically at the beginning of July, during stampede after a short stint at the fuckin' psych ward (Unit 37). Of course I left against medical advice because I can't seem to contain my borderline personality from taking complete control emotionally.
I'm taking 60mg of fluoxetine and 300mg of quetiapine at night on a daily, and yes it has helped me tremendously! The depression got pretty real during this past year, never been diagnosed with it before but wouldn't surprise me if it was in the cards at this point. Though, I am staying strong albeit the sporadic grief episodes that I feel are completely healthy even though uncomfortable.
Oh I also found out like 2 days ago that my biological father who was homeless living on the streets of Vancouver OD'd a week or 2 before my sister had to put her chihuahua down, so like roughly mid June..? Fuck me if I know nor care for the specifics, I've lived and experienced enough shit to go mental, yet here I am.
Till next time, Blogger thing.
- April Robertson
