Update(s) - 12/2021

 So today is December 20th, 2021. 7 years since the "last" post there. Where would I even begin to start with whats happened since 2014? It's practically impossible. So much death, loss, addiction issues, mental illness, homelessness, hungry, and when I just lost myself completely in the midst of. 
I've lost a lot of close people to me since 2014. Whether I remember this in the future when I re-read this when I'm like 33 or something (gonna be 28 next month). 

Ben was probably the most challenging for me (June 30th, 2021 @ 2:07am). Fuck I miss him so much, it has hurt each and every day since it happened. My sister has been above and beyond resilient through it all, considering he was technically her ex boyfriend/roommate. Hell, I even lived with them for some months back a few months prior to covid-19; oh yeah, haha I forgot to mention there's been a pandemic since January 2020, some respiratory affecting / highly contagious / sometimes even deadly that has plagued this world for seriously too long. I hope the next time I read this in the future, masks won;t be a thing anymore, hand sanitizer won't be fuckin' left right and center, and that covid-19 will have finally become contained at the very least. Damn near 2 years of this ass-ery. 

Anyways, long story short, I've lived with some guy that I apparently met back in 2015, and he's let me live in the spare room for literally months now; I moved in basically at the beginning of July, during stampede after a short stint at the fuckin' psych ward (Unit 37). Of course I left against medical advice because I can't seem to contain my borderline personality from taking complete control emotionally. 
I'm taking 60mg of fluoxetine and 300mg of quetiapine at night on a daily, and yes it has helped me tremendously! The depression got pretty real during this past year, never been diagnosed with it before but wouldn't surprise me if it was in the cards at this point. Though, I am staying strong albeit the sporadic grief episodes that I feel are completely healthy even though uncomfortable. 

Oh I also found out like 2 days ago that my biological father who was homeless living on the streets of Vancouver OD'd a week or 2 before my sister had to put her chihuahua down, so like roughly mid June..? Fuck me if I know nor care for the specifics, I've lived and experienced enough shit to go mental, yet here I am. 

Till next time, Blogger thing. 

- April Robertson

Mondays Really Suck.

Today is Monday, May 17th. I've had a really rough day, already and it's only lunch time. For starters, I had some oatmeal with like, tiny dinosaur eggs with colorful dinosaurs inside them for breakfast before school. Guess what that added to? I don't even know why, but I got HARDCORE heart burn at school, and I was feeling really sick, so I just requested to go home, and they allowed me. I actually texted my mom asking if she would give me permission to go home straight from school, and she was fine with it, so here I am at home, blogging my ass off. I'm currently drinking Pepsi Lime and eating some 'half chocolate half not chocolate digestive cookies', and hopefully I'll feel better. :/

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Tomorrow is Tuesday. Like that wasn't obvious. But tomorrow seems like it will be the worst day of my life, because my cat (whom my mom has owned even before I was fuckin' BORN.) is being put down tomorrow. /sob. I've been really sad about it lately, and I've had a lot of moments with the hardcore tears and shizzle. I know she'll be in a better place, and join my Grandpa. It's just that... I can like, hear her death clock ticking, and I don't want her to die, and I'm real sad about it. ;^;

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I'm actually currently working on the Opticon / Bent sticker, and will hopefully turn out good. I also purchased about 40 shoutouts on imvu of me saying like "HEI GUIS, DON'T FORGET TO BUY MAH NEW SKINS, K. LOL. C; C; C;". Talk about AWESOME, LOL.

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Stressed As Fuck, Plox?

So today is Sunday, May 16th which sucks because that ONLY means there's school tomorrow. I don't like attending school because I'm just never motivated anymore. I'll also admit that I'm also just plain lazy. I've been really depressed and stressed lately. School is almost out and I doubt I'll even pass grade 10. I had a meeting about 2 weeks ago with like the super hardcore adults/my teachers that are in charge of my position at my school. They said I have to attend school everyday or else they'll kick me out. I've missed about 3 1/2 days. or maybe 4. I got a really bad fuckin' cold last week starting exactly Sunday night, hence I had no choice but to miss school. I'm really stressed out especially tonight. I just broke up with my girlfriend whom technically we've been dating since November 28th. She says she wish she could have 'pissed' on my face when she had the chance, or some shit. I officially have her on my 'fuck off kthx' list. I won't ass kiss you no more, thank you.

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I'm still making the 'Opticon / Bent' sticker, and me & Ryans sticker. Have been so overwhelmed with family fighting and finding out that my cats being put down in 2 days, that I haven't even been able to get the transparency done yet. I also feelreally bad to all of the other stickers I never got finished. I'll set a goal and hopefully will get them all done by a certain date. If not, I am an un-trustable asshole. c:

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So I've been having this mega crush on this one person since like, fucking FOREVER and I just wish my mind could stop 'crushing' on them. It's really effecting me and it's like mega embarrassing me because I keep trying to make my 'smooth' move on them when it's doing nothing. I'm just plain embarrassed and I should just find someone else to date. (idek if dating is my thing, right now.) I was thinking about hanging out with some boy from my school and hopefully start something, even though I won't ever feel the same way I feel about the other person, FOR the dude I'd hang out with... blaaaghhh I'm tired and confused.

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вєηт 2o1o